Showtunes To Sing At Your Wedding


Back in July 1992, we went to the wedding of our good friends Jeremy and Fiona. Everything about the wedding was wonderful, but what inspired this particular page was Fiona's singing. During the reception, she got up and sang "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess, and sang it terrifically. It got me to thinking, if I could sing, what show tune would I pick?

Where Is The Life That Late I Led?

This one is the obvious choice. Singing it just a few short hours after the ceremony would certainly fit my sense of humor. Sue loves showtunes (and Kiss Me Kate is chock full of good ones), but she is probably glad that I can't sing. (She claims that she would have found it funny, too, but that some guests might have failed to see it that way. I wonder...)

This song is often sung at the outdoor orchestra concert at Princeton Reunions. I always have much fun singing along with it to Sue!

For those that don't know, the introduction and the choruses are sung in a peppy manner, but the bridge and the verses are sung morosely. That just adds to the humor, of course. The word "wind" in the chorus is pronounced to rhyme with "find".

"Where Is The Life That Late I Led?"
From the 1948 musical _Kiss Me, Kate_
Music and Lyrics by Cole Porter

Since I reached the charming age of puberty
And began to think of feminine curls
Like a show that's typically Shuberty
I have always had a multitude of girls

But now that a married man at last am I
How aware of my dear departed past am I

Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead!
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind!
A married life may all be well
But raising an heir could never compare
With raising a bit of hell
So I repeat what first I said
Where is the life that late I...

In dear Milano, where are you Momo?
Still selling those pictures of the scriptures in the duomo
And Carolina, where are you, 'lina?
Still peddling your pizza in the streets-a Toremina
And in Firenze, where are you Alice?
Still there in your pretty itty-bitty pity palace
And sweet Lucretia, so young and gay
What scandalous doings in the ruins of Pompeii

Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead!
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind!
The marriage game is quite all right
Yes during the day it's easy to play
But oh what a bore at night
So I repeat what first I said
Where is the life that late I...

Where is Rebecca? My Becky-wecky-oh
Could still she be cruising that amusing Pontevecchio?
Where is Fedora, the wild virago?
It's lucky I missed her gangster sister from Chicago
Where is Venetia, who loved to chat so?
Could still she be drinking in her stinking pink palazzo?
And lovely Lisa, where are you Lisa?
You gave a new meaning to the Leaning Tower of Piza

Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead!
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind!
I've oft been told of nuptial bliss
But what do you do at quarter to two
With only a shrew to kiss?
So I repeat what first I said
[BIG FINISH] Where is the life that late I led?

Bring Me My Bride

This song from A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum is not quite as popular or as memorable as "Where Is The Life That Late I Led", and I'd need the bridal party to help out a bit (although isn't that what they're there for?). But it's still worth including.

Picture Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. That is pretty much Miles (pronounced "MEE-lace") Gloriosus, though Miles is comical, not evil. Now picture the song "Gaston", with his towering ego, the fawning men, and the swooning women. You'll see that "Gaston" was certainly inspired by this song, though this song is a bit less Disney...

"Bring Me My Bride"
From the 1962 musical _A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum_
Music & Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim

INTRODUCTION (spoken)

MILES: Stand aside everyone! I take large steps!

SOLDIERS: One, two! One, two!
MILES: We not only fought, but we won, too!
SOLDIERS: One, two! One, two!

SOLDIERS: Left, right! Left, right!
MILES: There's none of the enemy left, right?
SOLDIERS: Right! Left, right, right, left... (etc., confusedly)

MILES: Halt!

GUARD: Hail Miles Gloriosus! Welcome to Rome. Your bride awaits you.
MILES: My bride...

SONG (sung by MILES, unless otherwise noted)

My bride, my bride
I've come to claim my bride
Come tenderly to crush her against my side!
Then haste be made
I cannot be delayed
There are lands to conquer, cities to loot, and peoples to degrade

(MEN: Look at those arms, look at that chest, look at them)
Not to mention the rest -- Even I'm impressed!

My bride, my bride
Come bring to me my bride
My lust for her no longer can be denied!
Convey the news
I have no time to lose
There are towns to plunder, temples to burn, and women to abuse

(MEN: Look at that foot, look at that heel!)
(MEN: I've gotta get me some muscles of steel)
I am my ideal!

I, Miles Gloriosus
I, slaughterer of thousands
I, opressor of the meek (WOMEN: ooh!)
Subduer of the weak (WOMEN: ooh!)
Degrader of the Greek (WOMEN: oh!)
Destroyer of the Turk (WOMEN: oh!)
Must hurry back to work

I, Miles Gloriosus (MEN: A men among men)
I, paragon of virtue (MEN: With sword and with men)
I, in war, the most admired (WOMEN: In...)
In wits, the most inspired (WOMEN: In...)
In love, the most desired (WOMEN: In...)
In dress, the best displayed
I am a parade!

(MEN: Look at those eyes, cunning and keen!)
(MEN: Look at the size of those thighs, like a mighty machine!)
(PSEUDOLUS: Those are the mightiest thighs that I ever have seen! I mean...)

My bride, my bride
Inform my lucky bride
The fabled arms of Miles are open wide!
Make haste, make haste
I have no time to waste
There are shrines I should be sacking (WOMEN: ooh!)
Ribs I should be sacking (WOMEN: oh!)
Eyes to gouge and booty to divide!
(BIG FINISH) Bring me my bride!
(MEN: Bring him his bride!)
(WOMEN: Bring him his bride!)

Marry the Man Today

To be fair, here's a song that Sue could sing. If she could sing. (Yes, neither of us can sing very well - aren't we the perfect couple? OK, she probably sings better than I do...) It's actually a duet, in which case she could get Amy, her maid of honor, to sing along. If she could sing, too. I guess it doesn't need to be a duet, but that's the way it was written.

This is the penultimate scene of Guys and Dolls. Adelaide and Sarah are frustrated that their respective beaus haven't popped the question. So they decide to just go ahead and marry them, and in the last scene, boom, they're already married. It's a weak ending to an otherwise terrific show, but it's still a fun song (in a show also chock full of fun songs).

"Marry The Man Today"
From the 1950 musical _Guys and Dolls_
Music & Lyrics by Frank Loesser

ADELAIDE: (spoken) What are we crazy or something?
ADELAIDE: At Wannamaker's and Saks and Klein's, a lesson I've been taught
You can't get alterations on a dress you haven't bought
SARAH: At any vegetable market from Borneo to Nome
You musn't squeeze a melon 'till you get the melon home

ADELAIDE: You simply gotta gamble
SARAH: You get no guarantee
ADELAIDE: Now doesn't that kind of apply to you and I?
SARAH: You and me!
ADELAIDE: Whatever.

ADELAIDE: Why not?
SARAH: Why not what?

ADELAIDE: Marry the man today
Trouble though he may be
Much as he likes to play
Crazy and wild and free
BOTH: Marry the man today, rather than sigh in sorrow
ADELAIDE: Marry the man today and change his ways tomorrow

SARAH: Marry the man today (ADELAIDE: Marry the man today)
SARAH: Maybe he's leaving town (ADELAIDE: Maybe he's leaving town)
SARAH: Don't let him get away (ADELAIDE: Don't let him get away)
SARAH: Hurry and track him down (ADELAIDE: Counterattack him and-)
BOTH: Marry the man today, give him the girlish laughter
SARAH: Give him your hand today and save the fist for after

ADELAIDE: Slowly introduce him to the better things
Respectable, conservative, and clean
SARAH: Reader's Digest
ADELAIDE: Guy Lombardo
SARAH: Rogers Peete
ADELAIDE: Golf!
SARAH: Galoshes!
ADELAIDE: Ovaltine!

BOTH: But marry the man today, handle it meek and gently
ADELAIDE: Marry the man today and train him subsequently

SARAH: Carefully expose him to domestic life
And if he ever tries to stray from you
Have a pot roast
ADELAIDE: Have a headache
SARAH: Have a baby
ADELAIDE: Have two!
SARAH: Six!
ADELAIDE: Nine!
SARAH: Oh!

BOTH: Marry the man today, rather than sigh in sorrow
Marry the man today and change his ways--
ADELAIDE: And change his ways--
SARAH: And change his ways--
ADELAIDE: And change his ways--
SARAH: And change his ways--
BOTH: (BIG FINISH) Tomorrow!

Get Me To The Church On Time

This classic from My Fair Lady almost needs no introduction. Try to get the guests involved...

"Get Me To The Church On Time"
From the 1956 musical _My Fair Lady_
Music and Lyrics by Frederick Loewe and Alan Jay Lerner

JAMIE, HARRY, FRIENDS
There's just a few more hours.
That's all the time you've got.
A few more hours
Before they tie the knot.

DOOLITTLE
There are drinks and girls all over London, and I've
gotta track 'em down in just a few more hours!
I'm getting married in the morning!
Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime.
Pull out the stopper!
Let's have a whopper!
But get me to the church on time!
I gotta be there in the mornin'
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime.
Girls, come and kiss me;
Show how you'll miss me.
But get me to the church on time!
If I am dancin'
Roll up the floor.
If I am whistlin'
Whewt me out the door!
For I'm gettin' married in the mornin'
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.
Kick up an rumpus
But don't lost the compass;
And get me to the church,
Get me to the church,
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time!

ALL
I'm getting married in the morning
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.

DOOLITTLE
Drug me or jail me,
Stamp me and mail me.

ALL
But get me to the church on time!
I gotta be there in the morning
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime.

DOOLITTLE
Some bloke who's able
Lift up the table,

ALL
And get em to the church on time!

DOOLITTLE
If I am flying
Then shoot me down.
If I am wooin',
Get her out of town!

ALL
For I'm getting married in the morning!
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.

DOOLITTLE
Feather and tar me;
Call out the Army;
But get me to the church.

ALL
Get me to the church...

DOOLITTLE
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time!

HARRY AND EVERYONE
Starlight is reelin' home to bed now.
Mornin' is smearin' up the sky.
London is wakin'.
Daylight is breakin'.
Good luck, old chum,
Good health, goodbye.

DOOLITTLE
I'm gettin' married in the mornin'
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime...
Hail and salute me
Then haul off and boot me...
And get me to the church,
Get me to the church...
For Gawd's sake, get me to the church on time!

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Last Updated: August 9, 2000